


Hospital Beds

by orphan_account



Category: Palaye Royale (Band)
Genre: AU, Kinda fluff, M/M, kinda angst, kinda like fluff to angst to fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23794714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Emerson has a secret.A big one.Really big one.And he's only told it to his closest friend. Even when he's found himself in love with his childhood friend once they've grown up and met again, he hasn't told him. Not that Sebastian remembers when they were kids. They were both too young then to remember much of it all. Remington, his best friend for as long as he could remember, knows it. And he's the only one. Emerson worries what will happen when Sebastian finds out his secret. But soon, that nightmare playing out in his mind, comes to be true. Sebastian seems to know his secret. But how will he react to it?
Relationships: Emerson Barrett/Sebastian Danzig
Kudos: 6





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

> [ palaye royale fan fic in an alternative universe without the bind of siblings ]

His heart raced as he looked to the older male. He must know from that look on his face. The male just looked angry at him. Angry for lying. Angry for keeping this secret. This big of a secret.   
How did it even get out? Who told? Hardly anyone knew it so which person did he trust his biggest secret to blab?  
Remington.  
Remington must have just gotten it tangled into a normal conversation and it all spiral downhill from there. Right?  
Emerson couldn't hear Sebastian's words but he could hear was talking. He felt like his world was crashing down around him. He felt sick to his stomach even. He felt like he was going to throw up.  
His head was spinning.  
Fast.  
Hard.  
His knees were shaking. Bad. They kept threatening to give out and make the actual world collapse around him. But would Sebastian catch him? Would be even try to? Would he ask if he was okay? Would he care? Would he do anything but walk off?  
Emerson felt like he was going to pass out or collapse from all of his anxiety of this. And all of the questions running through his head. First they where whispers. Soft little sounds. And then louder. And louder. Until they were screaming at him.   
If only he had looked up he could see the worry on Sebastian's face. The concern for him. He had come to talk to emerson about some secret he had been holding back, but then he noticed how the male was acting and that simply went out of the window.   
Slowly, the older male reached out and held onto his arm. "Em.." he said softly. "Are you okay?" He asked softly when he seemed..sick almost.   
Emerson slowly looked up to him and noticed just how concerned his lover looked. He licked at his lips before nodding a little. He didn't yet trust his voice to allow him to speak.   
But if he could speak, the younger male would mumble out a fairly unconvincing "I'm fine". The same exact words he had mumbled through the door when Remington had asked him the same thing.   
The night he told Remington his secret. The night he had tears absolutely streaming down his cheeks as he choked back sobs from how he wasn't okay. How he wasn't fine. Emerson hadn't known what it ever felt like to be fine. For so long, as long as he could even remember, he didn't feel 'fine'.   
Sebastian watched him for a moment before speaking. "Emerson. You don't look fine. You look sick. You need to go to a doctor."  
No. Not that word. He hated the doctor. He always felt so fucking uncomfortable when he went there. The male shook his head a little as he force on a smile. "Just got dizzy for a moment." He said watching him. Deep down Emerson hoped that Sebastian knew he wasn't lying. Hoped with everything in his body that the male would.


	2. CHAPTER ONE

Emerson chewed softly on his lip a little as he watched the male over the record he was looking at. He and Sebastian had come out to go to a bunch of vintage stores. He felt himself falling hard and fast for him. Faster than he had been before. Like when they were kids and he had just met him.   
Sebastian thumbed through some of the old records as he couldn't help but smile feeling Emerson looking at him. He walked back to the younger male and wrapped his arms around his waist. The older male let out a deep breath as he leaned down pressing his chest to the boy's back. "I thought we came so you could look for stuff. Not me?" He teased with a little chuckle.   
A blush rose to the younger male's cheeks as he looked up to Sebastian and let his head rest on his shoulder. "I am. But I can't help it that you're the only thing I want to be around." He said with a little grin. And then the artist froze for a moment. Could Sebastian feel it? Remington had spent what, to both of them, felt like hours (in reality it was about 20 minutes) that however Sebastian held him, the male wouldn't feel it.   
This though soon found its way into his mind, it started to calm down. If Remington couldn't feel it, and he knew it was there, Sebastian wouldn't feel it when he didn't know about it. The artist melted into his touch a little more loving how it felt to be like this with feeling.   
Sebastian pressed a soft kiss to his temple before speaking again. "Maybe you should look at what we came here for? If you want to go with that, I found some books on philosophy that looked up your alley over down another isle." The male offered before seeing Emerson perk up at this and take off running for the books.   
The male clapped a hand over his head as he took off running not even looking back for his lover. He felt a smile tugging its way into his face as he stopped at the books. He reached out and pulled one off of the shelf before opening it up to look over it.  
Emerson was a huge philosophy dork. It could easily be used to make him to go somewhere or almost anything. He flipped through the pages before hearing Sebastian clear his throat a little. As his mind usually did, it jumped straight to something bad. Panic set into him as his mind screamed that Sebastian could see it. That he would absolutely fucking hate him for it.   
But when he looked up, he noticed the male's phone out and angled at him. A blush dusted his cheeks as he quickly held the book up to hide all of his face but his eyes and he looked to him before hearing the click of a photo being taken. He knew Sebastian was going to do it when he was holding the phone up like this. He hated his photo being taken when he wasn't ready but he wanted to be cute. Especially when he didn't know what the male would do with it.   
Sebastian couldn't hold back the small laugh that left his mouth when he saw the small amount of his lover in the photo. He cut his camera off and went to change his background to his picture so he could forever see his lover. "You look so amazing." He teased walking over to Emerson and taking the books he had collected in his arms that he wanted. The older male enjoyed spending time with Emerson, no matter what they were doing and getting to see his little philosopher dork being precious, only made him fall harder for the boy.   
"I actually saw something for you." The boy mumbled out before walking away from him speaking just under his breath to himself. After a few minutes, he came back holding something behind his back. "Close your eyes!" He called out before seeing Sebastian doing just like he said. He sat down a small flask in his empty had before speaking again. "It makes me think of you because of you drinking and you look like a vintage gentleman." He said with a little grin. And Emerson looked so precious as he looked up to him from under the brim of his hat.   
Sebastian looked down hearing him say this. He couldn't help the large smile forming on his face as he flipped it over looking over it. It look old. Really old. But he loved it. He loved it because it was something Emerson found. Something Emerson had found for him. Because it made the dorky little boy think of him. "Thank you." The male mumbled out softly as his eyes looked to it still. He didn't want to stop looking at it. He didn't even want to put it down. It just made him so happy.   
Emerson felt a blush rising to his cheeks when the male said and acted like this. He could tell Sebastian loved it and it made him happy. Extremely happy. You're welcome. I'm glad you seem to like it." He said with a little grin. He moved a little closer to Sebastian and slipped under his arms to force the older male to hug him like he knew he wanted to do it. "We should go check all this out soon and then come back to my place to cuddle and watch movies." He said grinning softly.  
Which the male felt most comfortable at home. He could wear what made him feel comfortable in his body. When he opened up his home like this so soon, he was practically telling Sebastian that he could come into the one place he felt safe anymore  
"That," Sebastian said pressing his lips softly and quickly to the boy's lips with a smile, "sounds absolutely amazing."


	3. CHAPTER TWO

Emerson pushed his key into the door and turned it to unlock the door. He chewed softly on his lip trying to figure out if he had left his house a mess. He knew he had his bedroom was which sadly was where he was planning on camping out with his lover. The artist opened the door and stepped back to let him walk in first. "You first. You can put your stuff wherever." He said as he walked inside and closed the door behind himself.   
Sebastian had been here before so he didn't have trouble knowing where everything was. "So where do you want to go to watch movies and stuff?" He asked pushing the sleeves of his shirt up. He had taken his jacket off back in his car.   
"My room. But I need to go do something first."  
"What's that?"  
"Clean."  
Sebastian laughed softly hearing this. "Do you want me to stay down here?"   
The male nodded a little before quickly making his way up to his bedroom. Clothing, hats and art things were strewn about the room. Including on his bed like he had been sleeping with. He blushed a little before grabbing some of the clothing and started to put them back in his 'closet' along with the hats he had been trying to pick from today. Once Emerson was done with the clothing he started on his art books and pages along with pens and pencils. "Sebastian!" He called out looking back to the room proud of himself for what he had done so quickly.   
Once Sebastian had started to come up to his room, he could hear the footsteps coming closer and then noticed something peeking out from under his bed. Just as the footsteps stopped st his door, the male darted over to the bed and pushed it under his bed so no one could see it. Emerson covered it by sitting on his bed and looked to the doorway. He was lucky, or so he felt, Sebastian didn't seem to see him do this.   
"You've gotten more art done!" He said walking over to his desk and picking up the stack of paper that hadn't been finished last time he was there. The male inspected the pages slowly looking through them. He felt as though he could look at it and see something different every single time he did because Emerson put so much into each one that no matter how many times you looked at it, you could see something different about the drawings. It was simply his style.  
Emerson nodded slightly as he watched him before standing up from the bed. "I'm about to change into something a little more comfortable while you're looking at that. I won't be long." He said before grabbing a hoodie and pair of sweatpants he hadn't put up yet. He quickly made his way to the bathroom connected to his bedroom and shut the door behind himself. He changed as quick as he could making sure to stay away from the mirror as he did. If he looked into it he felt like he might break down sobbing and worry Sebastian.   
He didn't want to look into the mirror because it reminded himself of much he hated what he looked like right now. But hopefully soon he'd be changed and liked what he saw. But for now he fixed his hoodie and walked back out leaving the bundle in the bathroom so it wouldn't start the mess his room would soon become.  
Emerson soon found Sebastian looking through one of the stacks of movies he had. They didn't have a shelf anymore. It had been cleaned off to make room for books or art stuff. His room almost looked messy. But it was an organized messy. Things had a place that changed from where they had been. But the place they were in were exactly where they were supposed to be and he knew that it was supposed to be there. It was just a little system in his mind.   
Sebastian looked up and couldn't help but smile when he saw Emerson. He was so adorable dressed down like this. "You look amazing!" He called out before seeing his lover blush from this. Even when Emerson felt so uncomfortable in his skin, Sebastian thought he was attractive and it made the boy so happy. He licked at his lips before crawling onto the bed.   
"Pick a movie and put it in and then get your gentleman ass over here and cuddle me." He said tugging the blankets up his lap a little more and snuggling deeper into it. "And cut the lights off." He mumbled out with a little sleepy yawn following just behind it.   
Sebastian did as he was told before walking to the bed and slipping in behind him. He wrapped his arms around the young male as he felt Emerson's ass pressed to him. And then it hit Emerson, they were so close..could Sebastian feel what he was trying to hide? What if his hands moved up a little? Could he find it?   
But then he felt Sebastian's lips just behind his ear and his arms so tightly around him, he felt everything that had been bothering him to be gone. It felt nice. He enjoyed the feeling of calmness in his mind. Emerson didn't hear the questions rushing through his mind or feel the anxiety flowing through his veins. The male missed the movie beginning because he was so soothed being wrapped up in Sebastian's arms like this. Emerson felt like he had found the one person he just wanted to be with. This was how he wanted to live out his life. In Sebastian's arms when he was having a bad day. He wanted his body to be perfect, the way he wanted and to be with Sebastian every day. Wake up to that sleeping face beside him every morning and feel these arms around him. Emerson was happy.


	4. CHAPTER THREE

Emerson tossed the balled up T-shirt at Remington who fell back onto the bed laughing his ass off. It was the day after their little date fully ended with Sebastian falling asleep and spending the night with him. He felt his cheeks blush bright read as e stumbled over his words before speaking. "I...n..no he didn't try to make me sleep with him!" The poor boy yelled our cupping his hands around his face to try to hide it.   
Remington, on the other hand, was laughing so hard he couldn't breath. The male kept laughing until he felt himself starting to fall off of the bed and hit the floor with a loud thunk. After a few minutes of the sound a loud "ow!" came up from the floor from where Remington had hit it. "Your fucking floor is a dick." He mumbled out standing up from the floor and rubbing at his back where he must have hit.   
Emerson collapses into a chair the blush still on his cheeks. "I end up passing out on top of him, he didn't see it. Or he didn't say anything about it." The male mumbled out rubbing at his cheeks. "My hoodie didn't ride up and all my stuff was put away before he could see if." He said with a little shrug as he noticed Remington sitting back on the bed. He said this because he knew it would be the next thing the blonde asked him.   
"You should just tell him. Like walk up to him and be like 'Yo! Seb! I've got something I need to tell you!'" He said the last part of it with some terrible accent trying to make the male laugh with this.   
Emerson felt a little blush rise onto his cheeks as he felt a little giggle escape his lips. "And I'm just supposed to do that without having a literally anxiety attack before him and pass the fuck out?" He asked with a little chuckle.   
Remington just shrugged a little and fell back into the bed and yawned softly. "I mean, you should tell him so you can stop worrying about it all." He said looking up the ceiling. "If not he'll see something with it and then be angry you've kept it from him." He pointed out watching nothing for sure on the ceiling.   
It hit him hard when he said this. It was the truth. If he didn't Sebastian would find it in someway and learn of what he worked so hard to keep hidden from him. That he would find the huge secret that the male had kept hidden from so many people for so long. He just didn't want people to know. He felt so uncomfortable with it so he couldn't imagine telling it to anyone but the one person he trusted with his life. "I guess I should. But like that just not something that comes up in a normally conversation." He said shaking his head a little before tugging his legs into the chair with him. He leaned over and grabbed his art pages flipping through them before stopping on one. It was one of the earliest things he drew. Back when he was just a kid and figuring out his life before his world crashed around him. He shook his head a little when it started to get foggy from memories. The boy sat it back as he heard the bed creak under Remington shifting.   
"Just be open with when you feel like you can do it. I mean don't push yourself to come out to him with your secret unless you're just ready. I mean it's your life, no one can tell you that you've got to give the dude you just started to date your secrets." Remington tried to make the young male happy. He would fuck around with Emerson and make him laugh his ass off, but he knew when to be serious. "But if he isn't okay with it, l come fucking fight him and tell him to suck a monkey's dick." He said grinning a little more.   
Which made a laugh slip past his lips. Remington always knew how to cheer Emerson up. He was basically his platonic soulmate. Remington was everything he wanted from a lover but he couldn't imagine behind with him. He simply couldn't imagine actually being with him. They had been friends for too long for really anything other than the little bit of stuff in their pasts. "God i hate you." He mumbled out softly shaking his head a little as he legs fell back out of the chair with him.   
The blonde boy lifted his head up with a large grin on his face. "YOU LOVE MY ASS! YOU WOULDN'T MANAGE TO GO A DAY WITHOUT ME!" He yelled out at the brown haired male.   
Which he wasn't wrong. Emerson would go insane if he didn't have his best friend. He hardly even went five minutes without talking to him. It just didn't feel right. He pushed himself out of the chair and stumbled over to the bed and collapsed onto him. "what if he finds out before I'm ready?" He mumbled out softly the fear of a small child in his voice.   
Remington looked up to see Emerson hiding his face in his shoulder. "Then it'll be okay because sometimes this kind of shit happens. But it's okay. Don't stress that flat ass off of your body over it." He said with a little chuckle before rolling onto his back pressing the younger male into the bed.   
Emerson let out a little squeak as he squirmed out from under him. Once he was out he glared at Remington who only flashed him a large grin that looked like it was supposed to be innocent. Yet they both knew he was far from that. He shook his head a little before wrapping his arms tightly around Remington in a hug. Which got a true smile and hug back from the other male.


	5. CHAPTER FOUR

Emeron noticed Sebastian walking up to him with a look on his face. One that made his heart raced as he looked to the older male. He must know from that look on his face. The male just looked angry at him. Angry for lying. Angry for keeping this secret. This big boy of a secret.   
How did it even get out? Who told? Hardly anyone knew it so which person did he trust his biggest secret to blab?  
Remington.  
Remington must have just gotten it tangled into a normal conversation and it all spiral downhill from there. Right?  
Emerson couldn't hear Sebastian's words but he could hear was talking. He felt like his world was crashing down around him. He felt sick to his stomach even. He felt like he was going to throw up.  
His head was spinning.  
Fast.  
Hard.  
His knees were shaking. Bad. They kept threatening to give out and make the actual world collapse around him. But would Sebastian catch him? Would be even try to? Would he ask if he was okay? Would he care? Would he do anything but walk off?  
Emerson felt like he was going to pass out or collapse from all of his anxiety of this. And all of the questions running through his head. First they where whispers. Soft little sounds. And then louder. And louder. Until they were screaming at him.   
If only he had looked up he could see the worry on Sebastian's face. The concern for him. He had come to talk to emerson about some secret he had been holding back, but then he noticed how the male was acting and that simply went out of the window.   
Slowly, the older male reached out and held onto his arm. "Em.." he said softly. "Are you okay?" He asked softly when he seemed..sick almost.   
Emerson slowly looked up to him and noticed just how concerned his lover looked. He licked at his lips before nodding a little. He didn't yet trust his voice to allow him to speak.   
But if he could speak, the younger male would mumble out a fairly unconvincing "I'm fine". The same exact words he had mumbled through the door when Remington had asked him the same thing.   
The night he told Remington his secret. The night he had tears absolutely streaming down his cheeks as he choked back sobs from how he wasn't okay. How he wasn't fine. Emerson hadn't known what it ever felt like to be fine. For so long, as long as he could even remember, he didn't feel 'fine'.   
Sebastian watched him for a moment before speaking. "Emerson. You don't look fine. You look sick. You need to go to a doctor."  
No. Not that word. He hated the doctor. He always felt so fucking uncomfortable when he went there. The male shook his head a little as he force on a smile. "Just got dizzy for a moment." He said watching him. Deep down Emerson hoped that Sebastian knew he wasn't lying. Hoped with everything in his body that the male would.   
"But Emerson, I know you've got some secret your hiding from me. You've hidden so much from me." He said crossing his arms over his chest as he watched him. "I want to know why you are keeping it from me." Sebastian said watching him. He was angry that Emerson would keep a secret from him. He had kept nothing hid from the male. Why didn't he get the same back?   
Emerson felt his heart start racing. Sebastian had found it out! God this was what scared him the absolute most. He felt his heart beating against his chest like it was about to bust through his heart.   
Sebastian noticed how he didn't seem to want to answer his questions. It made the older male get angry when he did this. "Why the hell won't you answer me?!" He snapped at the younger male.   
Which for a little squeak out of him. He shook his head a little as he stumbled over his words trying to figure out how he could say the words that he didn't know if he was ready to tell him   
This only angered Sebastian more. How could emerson pull this kind of shit? It drove the older male insane and even angrier. Sebastian balled his hands into fists when the boy looked down to the ground. It angered him Emerson didn't seem to care that it was making him angry or that he had fucked up by not telling him something when they got together. He couldn't dream of keep any secrets from the person he called his lover, it felt like Emerson didn't trust him enough to tell him whatever it was. "Look, I didn't keep any fucking secrets from you, so why the hell are you keeping them from me?" But he regretted it hearing what sounded like the male trying not to cry from what he said. He licked his lips slightly before opening his mouth to speak and then giving up because he couldn't find the words he wanted to say.   
Emerson chewed softly on his lip and took a deep breath as he forced his legs to stop shaking. He forced his eyes up from the tips of his shoes that he had been staring at. Slowly, his head lifted up and spoke. "I hadn't told anyone but Remington." He said softly and noticed how Sebastian seemed to open his mouth to speak but he went on. "Because he was the only person I had trusted my life with. The one person who I knew I could tell my secret without someone else knowing it when I'm not okay with it. But I was going to tell you. When I was sure we were going to last and it wouldn't get out to people." He took another deep breath feeling his heart still racing like this. His voice was soft and weak when he spoke. "I'm transgender."


End file.
